“When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?””
Genesis 29:25 NIV
For seven years Leah’s husband, Jacob, was working for her father, and her little sister was a promised ‘reward’. Even after taking Leah as his wife, he was still working for her father for Rachel, the reward he received ‘post-paid’. Can you imagine how Leah felt about this situation? Think of this; Leah was
– married to a husband who doesn’t really love her (loveless marriage curse)
– aware she is not her husband’s first choice for a wife (settling problem)
– forced to share her husband with another woman just few weeks after her wedding day (the other woman factor)
You would probably look at Leah and say; ‘I won’t allow that to happen to me’! Easier said than done. Many women are in similar situation today and many more will continue to be. Many believes they don’t have a choice but to accept less what what they deserve; a loyal loving husband. Others remain for the sake of their children! Whatever their reasons are for staying! What is your reason?
Loveless marriage curse:
Have you ever asked your husband if he really loves you and you alone? Women thrives in unconditional love from husband much as husbands thrives in respect from their wife. Disrespect your husband as a wife and you are likely to get no love nor expression of love in return! It is not easy for women to respect unconditionally as much as it is not easy for husband to love unconditionally. Both love and respect are not based on feelings but choice and commitment to do what the spouse likes, enjoys and expects!
As husbands we are called to love sacrificially, just like Jesus Christ loved the church enough to give up His life. This is the kind of love that comes from God, and sustained by God and no man / husband /wife would be able to give by himself/herself. Is your husband willing to die for you unconditionally? Would you as a wife be able to do it for him?
Have you asked him if you are enough of a woman and wife for him? How do you know if you were your husband’s first choice for a wife? Could it be you are far from ‘ideal wife’ your husband wanted to marry but just the one he settled for?
You cannot really know people’s motifs and the secrets of their hearts;
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”
Jeremiah 17:9 NIV.
Sometimes, it is better not knowing answers to these questions, because these answers may hurt badly! However, unless we are willing to confront these issues and be as honest to each other as possible as spouses, we may never have that meaningful and deep relationships we deserve. We have been putting our best feet forward, our make ups on, our tailored suits on and drive our nice cars, showing the better side of us for too long we don’t even know each other even in marriages. Most of us are not comfortable with our real selves to come out because we might not be liked nor accepted. We have been hiding our real self for so long some of us don’t really know who we really are.
Yes, we tend to settle for what is available instead of waiting or go search for what we really want! But, if we don’t know who we really are we may never know what we really want! We settle for the second best because we somehow believe we are not the best!
The other woman factor
Rachel to Jacob represented something better, something his wife Leah didn’t have! Something he was desperately looking for. Yes, Rachel was physically appealing, but perhaps that is all she had going on for her! Leah had an interesting and unusual set of eyes. Perhaps she could be facing right but looking left. She was his wife nonetheless.
There jus the so-called 80-20 rule; that is having 80% of what you want in your wife and risking it all by going out searching for 20% somewhere else. That’s stupidity!
But what is it that would make a good man long to have been married to the other woman except his wife? Could it be the hell he is living in at home? Could it be disrespect and yelling he is subjected to each day?
The devil is fighting marriages and is an advocate for divorce. Unconditional Selflessness and unconditional sacrifice are ingredients for successful marriages. These are not easy and are impossible without God at the center of it all! May you have marital bliss everyday of your life. God bless!
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